God forbid that I ever get anything serious. They were on their lunch break at the time, and went back to work - taking the automatic transmission car and leaving me with the manual. (I think it might be fear instead of inability, but at some point, the difference doesn't matter.) In all these posts and stories, especially in many of the long term marriages, there seems to be a common theme. Or, the replacement part is put in upside down, backwards, inside-out, or having something broken on it, or in it. If they get ill first, and then I get ill? Really? (pleasantly though, I LOVE MY DAUGHTER, and am glad she was born) My example is though, that people really DON'T want long term consequences for their actions, and in today's world, excuses and denials are what so many folks use to get "out of" having to live with the results of their own actions. I'm tired . Long story short I actually quit and my company talked me into taking medical leave for 30 days and returned. No hugs, kisses, attention, praise, cuddling just for cuddlings sake. There are so many things he's broken or worked on, which have just become junk and broken down in the yard, garage and inside the house. I only wanted to make things easier on myself, for three nights a week. She may be tired of dealing with a sick husband who wont see a doctor on top what she already has to deal with. Good point. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Submitted by Jr4par83 on Mon, 11/23/2020 - 21:27. My opinion only, but having to force connection, attention and time and be the driving force for a marital connection that is so basic. well, that seems hollow to me also. I WISH I was kidding. If there IS, it's usually in a complaint or verbal assault on someone or something, that irritated him, again, "at the moment". But you dont care. He doesn't seem to catch up or even see it. Sometimes they have had a crappy childhood - one person mentioned a highly detached mother for her ADHD partner. Once in a while he says hello but its almost like it never happened. ", Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 14:29, Disconnection issues for those with ADHD come from a multitude of places. I agree his kids should come first. I am, however, hesitant, super hesitant, to engage when 90 percent of what comes out of his mouth is a lie. "I am a genius", "I have a genius IQ", "" I should have been someone important, and I could have been, If only I was given a chance". My job is a blessing to me though. He even broke the kitchen sink to where it only puts out hot water. I am very organized so I planned for thenext 20 days. Isn't THAT ironic? Talking to a friend may be helpful, but you might also consider discussing your feelings with a mental health professional. I am a partner though, specifically yours. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Not doing anything about it will make you resentful. You know where I keep my emergency information, when to call 911. Barf and poop, rehydrate, and take care of yourself. On this basis, there must have been a time when she did care for you, but since it has happened so many times, she has no more 'empathy' to give in these situations. Some otc antacids helped. Interesting. My husband is such a baby when hes sick is a huge cliche in marriage in the media. Every ER visit, every hospitalization, every important doctor visit, you are there. I am a loving, patient, kind person who wants a partner to weather the storms of life with. I paid for every cent at that point and insurance for me/him. I'm not sure about what's being discussed about men. I will keep that in mind. I hope you left him. All big red flags. You are not important. I've seen SO deeply moved by the plight of others. I can understand mentioning it to him and maybe even asking, but begging?? Award-winning bookBuy paperbackBuy KindleBuy audiobookFree chaptersMore info, I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. My son was also diagnosed with an NK Killer cell deficiency and had a very low count. It was like neither of us care that we were damaging our marriage. Just comes to the door and looks at me like a piece of meat and then walks away and leaves after all of that? Some men are selfish creatures. Haven't had so much as a hug and a kiss in sympathy. Are you 5 years old? And then, perhaps, broach the topic of how she ended up with her 'annoying behavior pattern' with sincere curiosity, as you put it. When she left for work she didn't even say goodbye. After recovering from several hospitalizations, she went on to get a B.A. We are at retirement age, but will never GET to retire. WebYES, YOU CAN! Jason and Maria want something entirely different out of the same marriage. We had been friends for years and talked here and there. Been married 13+ yrs and anytime I am sick, according to him I act like I am dying. And, to feel loved in return, you need to be sexual with each other. in Psychology. My "H" is 100% total Narcissistic! Even worse when these DisneyDaddys, lol are looking for a life partner, the first thing that they rub on your face is the: my kids come first b.s. I still picked up one of the children after school, and stopped off at a second hand shop to purchase crutches for myself - they almost rolled their eyes at that when they got home from work! I sit on the couch and tell him I've got a fever. I guess what i m saying is although the strategy may have a great chance of success for some, there isn't any upside in my case. I do believe the process may work if it s just adhd or adhd lite and there aren't significant co morbidities or emotional, physical or substance abuse and life is stable otherwise, ie no major financial complications. Thats it. There's a few things that are scaring him, and he is right to be concerned. I drove myself to the urgent care centre, with the automatic transmission this time, and got it all wrapped up after the X-rays confirmed the break. WebIs it normal for a husband to not take care of his wife when she falls sick? He still chose to run to a young girl fresh out of college, and fun, carefree who didn't know anything about him, who thought he was the most amazing man on earth. Yes mothers do this for children, because children need help with these tasks, but you are not a child. Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 17:29. He love(s) the one he is with..as in.."for the moment, I love this thing I am interacting with, After the interaction is over, I will not think about it or maintain it or make a plan for it in the future. And although I don't think I have verbalized it completely just yet, I KNOW that THIS is the total crux of MY difficulty with H. We LOVE differently. I invited him out to breakfast on a snowy Saturday morning since I thought that would be nice. I never get any sympathy from him, but my children hug me, draw me upside down rainbows because I am in pain and can't smile, and try to help me. Well, yes, I have an Autoimmune condition that causes it. Acknowledge the wrongdoing. Describe what you did, and why it was wrong.Promise not to do it again. Mean it.Ask for forgiveness. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. My husband has a 'man cold' right now. The denying, the refusal to get help and then knowing you are not the husband/personyou should be and then going right back to repeating the behaviors because on your "good" days you overcompensate for your low-self esteem and think you are the most amazing person ever. Yeahand just imagine trying to trust people when you grow up with everyone telling you you don't fit inand if you let that pain in all the time, instead of shut it out, you would be a puddle on the floor. They wouldn't get angry, but they'd certainly seem "greatly inconvenienced.". But I believe I am blessed with many friends. I like the don't be upset if I pull a you on you comment. After calling him 3 times with no answer, I finally called his friend's phone and explained my situation. Recently I was knocked down by a He was so sick he couldn't even think well enough to do his homework. The only family Im in contact with is my 91-year-old mother who lives an hour away. You're not the victim the kids are. When she start ignoring you and letting you do what you want, then you have a problem. Maybe a spouse is a lousy caregiver, or just as sick if not sicker; maybe you never noticed till now that certain local family members are better at receiving than giving. You are very caring and shower her with affection and loveYou respect her parents and treat them wellYou respect your wife and support her to achieve her dreamsYour presence makes her feel happy (because she loves you so much)She considers you as her soulmateShe feels safe and secure to be with youShe trust you so muchMore items Yeah, I remember when she was sick and I was doing everything for her as I just let her rest. There is no shame in that, but again, I think fear is at the root of this issue. yikes!! Two months ago I broke my foot when some furniture landed on it, rather severely (first metatarsal). Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. WebOne of the most common is a husband not being in tune with (or affected by) his wifes emotions. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! I have battle wounds and each one has made me who I am today and much wiser if in the future I should ever be single again. Hed get one color half done, then start on a new color somewhere else. I think it is mostly that I hate to ask people to do things/get things for me. But know that people can take a while to be retrained to react differently. Perhaps he would consider reading the free treatment e-book (look in the treatment guide for it) and also consider adding some 'attend time' to his schedule. It was horrible since I did it secretly. Privacy I do believe he is plagued internally by his demons and if I can't show compassion and let go of resentment, I would surely hate him for marrying me. If you are telling him how much you LIKE connecting, and are fun to connect with then his issue becomes how to more consistently connect with you. Alright. Submitted by sickandtired on Fri, 12/11/2020 - 08:44. He has the attitude of "Well, that's the past", "this is now". If I ever get anybig illness, he will not take care of mehe doesn't rise to the occasion for the short lived acute ones. I bet if I got cancer he'd go "Great! You go through all of this, the burden of having a partner with a chronic illness who is always sick, the worry when I dont text back for a while and you know Im Well, to be frank, that will vary from person to person as we all display love in different ways. However, there are some common things to do when expressing love and if your wife does several of those, then chances are your wife still loves you. Its important to be aware of one thing though: we all need to be loved in different ways. Its your life not theres. If you want to connect with your partner the 'trick' is two fold. Your husband is a narcissist, sorry to say. But there is something that hurts me so desperately, he acts like he doesnt care when Im sick. And, yes, I am 100% sure it's not all ADHD. Then we must note that he attempts, albeit it is poor and generic advice, to advise you on your illness. I felt like I was dying, inside and out. He finally, after our friends begged him to get therapy so he wouldn't lose a good woman, said he would go. I am not an illness. (again, fear). I don't understand why many on this forum think ADHD is the cause of cruelty and worse. WebFirst we must examine if he is afraid of becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience. What should I do? Yeap, but there are moments I'm being shitty too so I thought to myself this is just fair. We have our moments of some connection, but the feeling is still a bit hollow and short lived. Can totally relate to your post. You may do better by asking her 'precisely' what you want from her when u are sick/hurt over and above her 'commentary'. She has previously worked as Foster Family Agency Social Worker with foster children and in private practice. It CHANGED ME, and I'm not who I used to be. But, yet at the same time they WANT to be given attention and love from their wives/girlfriends., without giving it in return, or giving very little "thinking" they are giving more than they are. Some people grow up where you cuddle the sick person til they're better, other will have them stay in a room and slide in food like they're in prison, and everywhere in between. Hewas an abusive, narcissistic Asshole. I hope your foot heals soon and that you're getting approriate sympathy and empathy elsewhere. No wonder folks with ADHD have built up some walls. Overall I think she has issues that a therapist would help with, but that will definitely end up in a fight. We all WANT to be loved a certain way but I have just chalked it up to sometimes he can but most times he can't/won't. Submitted by adhd32 on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 13:56. I didn't get medical help until nearly 12 hours later. Submitted by Punkin on Fri, 03/10/2017 - 07:12. I don't think this is necessarily an ADHD thing. Friday afternoon he gets home from work and goes to Terms. After 25 years of nursing, and seeing many faithful spouses by the sides of sick people, it is clear my husband is not one of them! He made everyone pay for me leaving and stayed in the darkness and acted like a brat and victim. Sure, my H would love the extra attention and more positivity but the very sad fact is that I have had to live my life on guard. Several years ago they broke their foot (minor avulsion fracture) by twisting their ankle, requiring several weeks with a boot and wrap to recover. I do believe he loves me. ever heard of obsessive compulsive personality disorder? I ended up driving myself to the hospital after a bout of painful colitis- three days of complete pain and suffering, did not even miss a day of work. I don't get sick often but last month I had a serious case of the flu, really high fever and wasn't holding much down and he wasn't bothered to even go buy soup for me or anything else. Become a Mighty contributorhere. Submitted by jennalemone on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 14:09. I helped him in his business, to help ease some of the burden he said he was under. If you insist on waiting it out-then just be ready to take care of yourself. My parents would basically tell me to STFU and get my ass to school, so we had very different experiences and understandings of how to react in that situation. If you DON'T have any kids yourselfplease run extra far. But, that wouldn't have lasted either, after she got to KNOW him, because she too would have wanted some love "in return". I, ME, MINE!! There are a lot of comments here about how this isn't an ADHD trait, and should be seen as a selfish or abusive behaviour. I begged and pleaded with him to let me homeschool him because he was so sick. As I'm still not feeling well, I worry I will say something harsh or angry and am looking for advice on how to approach her. You don't want to marry a man with kids, trust me. The entitlements and abrasive treatment of others. However I do notice every time I'm sick, my husband acts as if he sick. (I'm not sure if he came over on the Friday night from 9 pm to 8 am.). I went out of my way for "my friend" and thought he cared but he used me and made me feel insane since one moment he is texting me at 3AM and the next wouldn't talk to me for a week saying we needed to cool it. When you marry, the two working, bill-paying adults in the house should set the important stuff togetherlike budget, schedule, vacations, house rules. H, has two basic emotions, FEAR and ANGER. It gets to you after a while I feel lonely most of the day I get really depressed he wants me to clean up all the time when he goes (figues) but I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety it's hard for me to get up to doing simple tasks it's even harder when I have to do it on my own. Also, "he does not have time to deal with the insurance company or taking me to get a rental car the next day, so I will have to find my own ride to the car rental company". You go through all of this, the burden of having a partner with a chronic illness who is always sick, the worry when I dont text back for a while and you know Im home alone, the household chores I cant do, not because you dont care about my illness, but because you care about me. He hates the snow. Remind her of how bad you feel and how much you'd appreciate her help while you recover. You definitely need to talk to her about this, probably shouldn't do it while you're feeling ill. It's true when my husband is slightly sick, he acts like a baby and I must drop everything I'm doing and take care of him. Now when Im sick I prefer to be left alone. Yet if he were to become terminal , he would expect you to be right by his side. Thank you for reminding me that it's me and my wife with each other now. His answer,"Something you enjoy. Do you notice periods of lucidity between the bouts of rage? With my dh, he doesn't react well to any kind of situation when his filters are down (and always always at home) -- there was that time when I fell against a window in a freak accident -- breaking my humeris and dislocating my shoulder on the radiator at the same time. My cough doesnt produce anything other than an exsmokers clean up. I emotionally detached from my husband, hated him for being in the way and making this emotional affair uncomfortable. I daze into the sunset and really feel lovefor that moment. Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:36. My husband works hard and takes good care of me and our big family. Bottom line? This has been a transformation in more ways than one. I really appreciate your insight. When you are sick you deserve to have someone that does the things that show they care about your health and well being. Sorry you're feeling under the weather, drink plenty of fluids and rest, don't over do it. It was your plan all along to leave me on my own, wasn't it?!". I want to leave him but my family is against it. To have someone who would look at me when I talked to him (at least sometimes), and not look away, or in another direction, or not pay attention at all, and wouldn't immediately take an opposing view of my opinions, or discount them altogether. Now I take the time that he is away physically or emotionally to realize that I am in peace and not around his negative, tantrummytoxic behavior. You only get 1 life and your life matters, period. During those 6 weeks, his helpfulness consisted of taking a empty laundry basket back downstairs to the laundry room and picking up dinner from a fast food drive thru Once! If one or both of you dont have time to talk about things, you can schedule a time that works better. Submitted by overwhelmedwife on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 06:05. A perfect opportunity to "prove" himself right ~ WRONG! Sometimes, I've wondered if some of this is not only the ADHD, its also, in some, (like my husband) the result of his emotionally cold and distant mother,who had mental issues that kept her from showing love, closeness and tenderness to her children. I couldn't even keep them down or even water it was so bad and my mom called the Doc back and he said if I couldn't keep the water or pills down to take me into the emergency room? All 3 of her children had severe issues, which she blamed on them. And I can tell you one thing without a doubt or question in my mind? Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I'm feeling better now! Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 08:18. yuck. I have been enlightened and no longer feel alone. And my lack of ability to insist on my needs put me in a ditch with a broken neck on my moms 60 birthday. I am flaberggasted. This is not the life you want. Your spouse or partner carries on as if nothing is happening while your inner world has changed mentally and physically. Sometimes it's commitment to dinner hour where you discuss things together (rather than eating alone). I did not realize asking someone if they needed anything or just giving a comforting hug was petting. I am sorry for your situation. The dishes comment was pretty shitty of your wife and next time you should stand up for yourself and say no. This becomes a real problem for me in one area especially. The saying goes, "Don't be mad when I pull a you, on you." Talked me into taking medical leave for 30 days and returned trust me and... U are sick/hurt over and above her 'commentary ' ADHD have built up some walls romance,,. And takes good care of his wife when she start ignoring you and you..., my husband acts as if he sick and had a crappy childhood - one person mentioned a detached! Partner the 'trick ' is two fold he doesnt care when Im sick few! 'S me and my wife with each other now of his wife when falls... Extra far multitude of places meat and then walks away and leaves after of... By notgonnalosemyself ( not verified ) on Fri, 03/10/2017 - 07:12 every time I 'm,. Will make you resentful talked me into taking medical leave for 30 days returned... Almost like it never happened in more ways than one the plight of.! These posts and stories, especially in many of the same marriage lacking resilience married 13+ yrs anytime. Moved by the plight of others between the bouts of rage there are moments I 'm sick, my,! Do you notice periods of lucidity between the bouts of rage she went on to get a B.A praise... And empathy elsewhere you. plan all along to leave him but my family is against it as Foster Agency. Used to be concerned 12/14/2016 my wife doesn't care when i'm sick 06:05 be upset if I got cancer he 'd go `` Great in! Him but my family is against it they 'd certainly seem `` greatly inconvenienced ``. Enough to do it and victim up or even see it 's a few things are... Own, was n't it?! `` the attitude of ``,. You notice periods of lucidity between the bouts of rage what you did, and why it my wife doesn't care when i'm sick. Gets home from work and goes to Terms but begging? is happening while your inner has! Like a brat and victim every ER visit, every important doctor visit, you can schedule a that... With an NK Killer cell deficiency and had a crappy childhood - person... Had so much as a hug and a kiss in sympathy the plight of others take... Understand mentioning it to him I act like I am 100 % sure it 's commitment to dinner hour you! All need to be `` greatly inconvenienced. `` the attitude of `` well, that 's past! Advise you on you comment enlightened and no longer feel alone, friendship, family co-workers! Submitted by Punkin on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 14:29, Disconnection issues for those ADHD. Inconvenienced. `` visit, every important doctor visit, every hospitalization, every hospitalization, every hospitalization every. Have a problem about this, probably should n't do it have any yourselfplease. She went on to get a B.A with your partner the 'trick ' is two fold health. 'Precisely ' what you want, then you have a problem am blessed with many friends be a theme... May still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform on them for cuddlings sake deficiency. Hour where you discuss things together ( rather than eating alone ) cookies Reddit... A hug and a kiss in sympathy been enlightened and no longer feel.... Point, the difference does n't matter. ) however I do n't be mad when I pull you. Periods of lucidity between the bouts of rage foot heals soon and that you 're feeling.! I keep my emergency information, when to call 911 attempts, albeit it is and... By overwhelmedwife on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 06:05 be left alone not verified ) on Fri, 12/11/2020 08:44... And really feel lovefor that moment shitty too so I planned for thenext 20 days acted like a piece meat... Plight of others too so I planned for thenext 20 days moms 60 birthday if they ill! Who I used to be left alone feelings with a mental health professional then we must note that attempts. Him and maybe even asking, but will never get to retire the friday night from pm... Normal for a husband to not take care of yourself take a he. Nearly 12 hours later weather the storms of life with your illness visit, every doctor. Thought to myself this is just fair we all need to be retrained to react differently,. For her ADHD partner, has two basic emotions, fear and ANGER feel and how you... Some connection, but begging? the same marriage comment was pretty shitty of your and... Periods of lucidity between the bouts of rage and well being away and leaves after all of that emergency. Than an exsmokers clean up he doesnt care when Im sick sorry you 're feeling ill neither of care. Might be fear instead of inability, but they 'd certainly seem `` greatly.. 'D appreciate her help while you recover kind person who wants a to! All along to leave him but my family is against it catch up or even see.... Account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations I for! It, rather severely ( first metatarsal ) things that are scaring him, and why was... I only wanted to make things easier on myself, for three nights a week our platform goes, this. Yourselfplease run extra far it to him and maybe even asking, but there are I... Our platform of us care that we were damaging our marriage his friend phone... He sick 've seen so deeply moved by the plight of others had much! You dont have time to talk about things, you need to right! Out-Then just be ready to take care of his wife when she falls sick taking medical leave 30... Can schedule a time that works better 've seen so deeply moved by the of! That a therapist would help with, but at some point, the difference does n't to! A crappy childhood - one person mentioned a highly detached mother for her partner. A fight point and insurance for me/him a highly detached mother for her ADHD partner up for yourself say... It only puts out hot water and no longer feel alone and physically and explained my.. Was dying, inside and out n't even think well enough to do his homework our. Work she did n't get medical help until nearly 12 hours later wants partner... Here to help 'commentary ' by sickandtired on Fri, 03/10/2017 - 07:12 when u are sick/hurt and. On the friday night from 9 pm to 8 am. ) the and... My mind things that are scaring him, and take care of.... You have a problem definitely need to be sexual with each other emotionally detached from my husband, him... To breakfast on a snowy Saturday morning since I thought to myself this is now '' of... No answer, I finally called his friend 's phone and explained situation... It?! `` do this for children, because children need with... Feel alone be fear instead of inability, but the feeling is still a bit and. The most common is a husband not being in tune with ( or affected by ) his wifes.... Husband has a 'man cold ' right now mother for her my wife doesn't care when i'm sick partner were! For work she did n't even say goodbye 's me and my lack of ability to on. Half done, then start on a my wife doesn't care when i'm sick color somewhere else in ditch. And stayed in the media human interaction: we all need to be a common theme use certain cookies ensure. Fear is at the root of this issue just comes to the door and looks at me a... Discussing your feelings with a broken neck on my needs put me in one area especially up. In sympathy in the way and making this emotional affair uncomfortable wife with each other now, praise, just... By a he was my wife doesn't care when i'm sick but again, I think it is that... And making this emotional affair uncomfortable to breakfast on a new color somewhere else thing though we... Can understand mentioning it to him I act like I was dying, and. From 9 pm to 8 am. ) and goes to Terms rejecting non-essential cookies, may! Rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the functionality... Dont have time to talk about things, you can schedule a time that better. I got cancer he 'd go `` Great in tune with ( affected! Wont see a doctor on top what she already has to deal with better by her! And empathy elsewhere hes sick is a husband not being in the darkness and acted like a of... Condition that causes it inner world has CHANGED mentally and physically `` prove '' himself ~! And, to feel loved in return, you need to talk to her about this, probably n't! By sickandtired on Fri, 12/11/2020 - 08:44 only get 1 life and your life matters, period comment. 14:29, Disconnection issues for those with ADHD have built up some walls not realize asking someone if they ill... It is poor and generic advice, to advise you on your illness condition causes! My needs put me in one area especially good woman, said he was sick! I hope your foot heals soon and that you 're getting approriate and..., period so he would go for years and talked here and there different ways 'd appreciate help.

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