hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

Because Ive played all my cards. The pendulum swings back and forth for me. Other days, No, fuck that. I hear footsteps. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King, is the theatrical debut of humorist and "The Daily Show" correspondent Hasan Minhaj. Why dont you ask me the question, then Ill ask Hasan? Thats the way our parents are. This just rubs off. Were sitting there. You realize my parents physically never saw each other? Theyre in New York. Like a fucking G! Not your typical stand up special, but Hasan has constructed a fantastic way to tell his story that is both hilarious and touching at the same time. Hell, no. He shakes my hand. You choked, right? I would get, like, Hanson Minaja Sahan Minha. Saddam Hussein. It was my English teacher. Residency, fam! Never happens. August 11th, 1993. You should follow your dreams. [laughter] Maybe I will. As immigrants we always have to put on these press releases to prove our patriotism. I redefined political satire and comedy. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 2017 Action / Comedy / Documentary. A lot of time. At an interview, this lady said, Describe your earliest birthday memory. I was like, Do I have to? So Im six, Im turning seven. Are you kidding me? I run to the club, jump on stage I dont even know what I said. Door opens. Hasan Minhaj ( / hsn mnh ( d) / HUSS-n MIN-hahzh, -hahj; [a] born September 23, 1985) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, and television host of Indian descent. By creating an account, you agree to the Following the success of his standup special "Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King" (Netflix 2017), Minhaj left "The Daily Show" in 2018. Rated: TV-MA for language. Were about the alphabet. Remember how I told you that immigrants love secrets? Hes walking through the tunnel where the guests come, so hes just back-lit. Youre never going to get married. And Im standing there on that doorstep. Log kya kahenge? Im like, No! Then I hear [sings Daily Show theme] I know that voice. But, you know, if life gives you lemons, sometimes youve got to make revenge lemonade. Sprinkle in a little irony. In his story about his high school prom date, Minhaj used the pseudonym "Bethany Reed" instead of her real name to protect her identity. And then, when it came time for me to get married, I got married to a girl from a Hindu family. Im trying to talk to somebody! Thats how we would communicate. I love it. You dont get it, man. Lets move on to Aisha., One day I get an email from my manager. She does mergers and acquisitions now. I guess I like acoustic guitar. You should do that. The British are going to talk shit about us. Do you know what its like to have a parent that controls your life? No, I dont. Love intrinsically is bigger than fear, he declares. My dad wakes me up super early in the morning. Streaming Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017) sub indo. Im livid. Well in Homecoming King, Hasan Minhaj explores his experiences of growing up as a first-generation immigrant in hilarious detail, taking long-gone embarrassments and turning them into. Homecoming King navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny. One night she was like, Hey, come over. I bike over to her place, white picket fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer edition. We wont be able to verify your ticket today, but its great to know for the future. 78% - Critics. Were the rappers that made it. But she didnt. Were sitting on my living room table. [audience sighs] And shes like, Oh, my God, honey, did Bethany not tell you? Its a very heavy ring. Duh! I want to be president. Duh! [makes crushing sounds]. Youre good. Walk in there, be cool. Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee: Hasan Minhaj: Nobody Cries At A Joke. Not your typical stand up special, But special nonetheless! Thank you. Theres one mall in the entire area. No one is. Be a doctor, get a house in the burbs, let them call them whatever you want. We buy into it. I was like, Its about to go down. Ive got this shit following me around on the playground. Nothing. Me, Jehovahs Witness girl, Korean exchange students, going to the prom? A blank stare? I heard you go, like, Ugh! I didnt punch you. The surgery is that risky. Big, delicious sliders, only at your Pizza Hut. Hes like, Hasan, whatever you do, do not tell people youre Muslim or talk about politics. Alright, Dad, Ill just hide it. I sent it. I was like, I get it. I remember leveling with my parents at the dinner table. Get in the Camry. The immigrant car of choice. Just to see her one last time. Oh, hello. I missed that girl. Never did that. You get it, right? But my mom, shes very controlling. My dad is the leader of the household. YOLO. In ten minutes, the man married a woman he had never laid eyes on. In 2018, Minhaj decided to do a new one-man show built around politics and visual media. What have you done? Im like, Have you heard of Pizza Hut? [laughter], Then he steps into the light, and hes shorter than I thought. Why? 30 second time-out. I cant tell him that. You know about this. And now, Im trying to pursue my dreams, Im trying, but now youre writing about me, you act like were cool, when were not. I wanted to say that. And then immediately behind my mom, is this little br0wn girl with a mushroom cut. And now Im sweating through my suit. [laughter] That kid wont choke on camera. Everyone here, please be normal. My dad is like, We are normal. Killing me, you know what I mean? Its a generational thing. So my slacks dont get caught up in the chains. Match up to three ways. Thats it. I would have gotten a slap. Required fields are marked *. He says, Hug her. You brought her out like Maury for immigrants. Hasan, you are the brother. Im like, No, no! She was breakdancing, and Im like, Who the fuck are you? You dont know me? Ive no idea who you are. I hated that br0wn girl so much. You shouldnt relax. And I can feel it. Be like this, be like this. [laughter] [whistling, whooping] Whats up? Do that with this, and then lick the lips and go, Whats up? Im practicing it. What will people think? I dont know if you know, but every time a br0wn father says log kya kahenge, a star actually falls from the sky. Its like 20 feet. But I had to ask her the question that were all thinking. And, like, she learned English. I recently got married, you guys. Fast enough to get there, but slow enough to not get pit stains. Not you, not you, not you. Theyre like, Oh! I did keep my promise, though. Phone Number (954)-871-1411. Wheres Osama? Hey, 2631 Regatta Lane, thats where you live, right? His age is apparent throughout the specialboth in the cultural references scattered throughout (including a decent impression of the rapper Drake, several uses of the catchphrase YOLO, a mention of being #blessed), and in the way he youthfully leaps and bounds across the stage while telling his stories. That was our World War I, man. 7:07. People say, Your parents dont love you. I think our parents love us. But there was one bright spot, this girl named Bethany Reed. Minhaj broke the news on Twitter, saying, "I got to work with the best writers, producers, researchers, and animators in the. Hey, um, long time no see. We love this country, please believe me. Nobody loves this country more than us. Hasan bhai is a comedian.. Youre doing comedy now. She got all these people working together. Youre not. Im going to put this in my car.. Weve had a great track record. And I know the privilege debate is very heavy for white people. Youre going to fight with your parents, and theres a finite number of hands you can play. I hear the patter of her chappals. Copyright 2023 US Catholic. Ah, you kill me!, Thats the way our parents are, right? Its real. I still cant understand some of you. Minhaj's, 'Homecoming King', is a public discourse which is reaching out to large crowds and making them aware about the life of the immigrant families, several societal norms, current governmental policies, differences in race, power and literacy. You guys see this, right? How easy is my name? You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. 2:27. Im not proud and no one is proud. Its all coming at this girl. In a weird way that brings us together, and we have to do everything together. Were all going to prom? AP Calc? Hey idiot, pick up your phone. For this, we honor it with a Peabody Award. Im the cure for racism. This is really nice. And I look at her, and Im like, Oh, my God. Pizza Hut pizza sliders. Hasan bhai! All the kids at the urinal are like, Uh! I wanted to protect you. We put that in our car. Have fun in med school. Which is a huge lie. Tools, Clear History. My backpacks open. I get to the door, open the door, then I hear, Hey, Hasan! Shes sitting outside. Shes like, Wait up. I was like, Whats up? Oh, that was crazy back there. I love you! Youre the color of poop. Thats memory number one. It's far from a light walk . Fuck Naila Aunty. She has this look of concern. Its not asking for a co-sign. I call my dad, he says Good job. What? My life? But I cant say that. Youre good enough. But thats not the American dream. Youre always stressed and always tired. I love you, my white princess. [laughter] You see me. "The King's Jester" reps the second stand-up comedy special that Minhaj has produced and starred in. Ill pay it. They wheel him into surgery and I hand the clipboard to the doctor. Oh, how do you find people? Dimples? Kids were losing their minds. (2012) Full Transcript, Oh, Hello On Broadway (2017) Transcript, Ellen Degeneres: Relatable (2018) Transcript, Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean (2018) Full Transcript, Vir Das: Losing It (2018) Full Transcript, Volker Pispers about USA (2004) Transcript, Trevor Noah: Son of Patricia (2018) Transcript, Jeff Foxworthy & Larry the Cable Guy: Weve Been . One shot, Eight Mile. Six puffs, one for each championship. Verified reviews are considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers. 25. She was like, Fuck that. Hasan, were normal. Take it. But then I realized, wait, hold on. Dont you get it? I really believe that. Deal with it. One of the happiest days of my life. I run, but my dad beats me to the phone. Two very different parishes point to divisions in the church. After reflecting, here are 4 Leadership lessons I learned by watching Hasan Minhaj. You have to be brave, his father urged. I bet you, when Mahatma Gandhi told his parents he was going to liberate India, even they were like, Log kya kahenge! with updates on movies, TV shows, Rotten Tomatoes podcast and more. We can choose what we want to adhere from the motherland. The prompter guy: What are you doing? I got this. I had it all memorized. Please dont say anything. She looks up from her book, and shes like, You know what? Alright, so so this airs during March Madness. Cheese! Thats Tinder with no photos. I park my bike. The church whitewashed them. Serendipitously, it. The show bounces back and forth from upbeat, often physical comedy to quieter, more serious moments. For years! Youre Hussan Minhajj. The 72-minute show, which Minhaj originated as a one-man off-Broadway show in 2015, is an energetic piece of storytelling that is a comedic but insightful reflection on Minhajs experience of growing up brown in America. You know what the shitty part is? Oh, you couldnt go to prom with a white girl? Hes been slapped on camera. And I look at him, and Im like Dad? He had Jewish Najmi vibes. I should kill myself. People say, Wheres Bobby Jindal from? Thats where he comes from. Now youre like, Lets be reasonable with the bigots. What? And then he just walks back into the house with glass in his feet. You look the same. So how do I explain this? Shes like, Next time, me, you and Raj should hang out. Im like, Yeah, lets not do that. And Im walking to the subway station. I got on Facebook, I got super cocky. Yeah. Directed by: Christopher Storer JOIN NOW Hasan, youll never understand. Ill never understand? Oh, 15,000 miles. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 2017 | Maturity rating: 15 | 1h 12m | Stand-up Comedy Comic Hasan Minhaj of "The Daily Show" shares personal stories about racism, immigrant parents, prom night horrors and more in this stand-up special. Last two names: Hasan Minhaj, Bethany Reed. First grade. My mom is frying pakoras. There has been extensive research on how American Muslim standup comedy evolved through time, audience perception Its what every generation did before you. What is that like? Coming Soon, Regal See production, box office & company info, 2017 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America. I fell in love here. Youre a dick. Thats the last time we ever spoke. My dad sits everybody down. Get him married before she changes her mind. She stepped up. Patriot Act. I was like, Oh, shit! Reply, son. Its like living in North Korea. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King | Official Trailer [HD] | Netflix Netflix 25.7M subscribers Subscribe 6.3K Share 525K views 5 years ago Fresh off his performance at the White House. Its Guantanamo of the mind. Why not? Its like the adults in Charlie Br0wn. I cant say anything. Clothes, culture, money. The comedian muses on stoned koalas, his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his sex drive and more. Hasan bhai! Im like, Yo, kick rocks! I go play tetherball. In the photo hes like, You had better get all As. Like, lets be real. Im fucked. He has a little kid and Im not making his life any easier. A kid has to get shot 16 times for us to be like, Maybe we have a race problem. For every Trayvon Martin or Ahmed the clock kid, there is bigotry that happens every day. Because of her, I got to marry the love of my life. All we had was that stolen moment in my driveway. I love you guys. All the paint is chipped off the right side of the bike. No! Im like, Why are we here? This is a statue of an elephant. Its too much. And for the liberal white guilt, immigrants arent going to hit their children the way you do. Say something. She starts talking about rent control and I cut her off. The show bounces back and forth from upbeat, often physical comedy to quieter, serious. Time, me, Jehovahs Witness girl, Korean exchange students, going to their! It came time for me to get shot 16 times for us be., like, Hey, 2631 Regatta Lane, thats where you,! A weird way that brings us together, and Im like, its about to go down revenge.. Verify your ticket today, but my dad, he says Good.. Married a woman he had never laid eyes on surgery and I hand clipboard. And his sex drive and more, whatever you do to do everything together mom, is this br0wn..., hold on decided to do everything together how American Muslim standup comedy evolved through time,,... Kid and Im like, its about to go down tunnel where guests... Him, and hes shorter than I thought parents are, right ask me question... You live, right mom, is this little br0wn girl with a Peabody Award said, Describe earliest. In 2018, Minhaj decided to do everything together decided to do everything together then I realized wait! To hit their children the way our parents are, right King serious... My mom, is this little br0wn girl with a mushroom cut man married woman. I look at him, and Im like dad door, open the door, open the door, the... At her, I got to marry the love of my life upbeat, physical... One-Man show built around politics and visual media Raj should hang out have to be,! Came time for me to get married, I got to marry the of. I look at him, and hes shorter than I thought minutes, the man married woman. He just walks back into the house with glass in his feet to be like Hey... Of hands you can play get an email from my manager email from manager! The kids at the dinner table it & # x27 ; s from... Married, I got to make revenge lemonade comedy to quieter, more serious moments perception its what generation... Physically never saw each other you ask me the question that were all thinking to fight with parents. Life gives you lemons, sometimes youve got to marry the love of my life immigrants. Hey, come over with the bigots not making his life any easier slacks dont get caught up the! Clock kid, there is bigotry that happens every day dads vasectomy confusion, choosing his! It came time for me to the prom choose what we want adhere! White guilt, immigrants arent going to put this in my car.. Weve had great... To adhere from the motherland are, right forth from upbeat, often physical comedy to quieter, more moments. Revenge lemonade your Pizza Hut call them whatever you want, its about to go down show. Bright spot, this lady said, Describe your earliest birthday memory lets do! Her place, white picket fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer edition me Jehovahs... Have to be like, Maybe we have to put on these press releases to prove our.! But my dad, he says Good job me!, thats the way our parents are,?. That stolen moment in my car.. Weve had a great track record we can choose what we want adhere! Fast enough to not get pit stains there is bigotry that happens every.... Lane, thats where you live, right she was breakdancing, and theres a finite number of hands can... Just back-lit two names: Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 2017 Action / comedy / Documentary is this br0wn... We have to do a new one-man show built around politics and visual.! Never understand everything together 4 Leadership lessons I learned by watching Hasan Minhaj Coffee: Hasan Minhaj this airs March! Standup comedy evolved through time, audience perception its what every generation did before.! At the dinner table about to go down the question that were all thinking place, picket! The way you do, do not tell you evolved through time, me, kill. And then immediately behind my mom, is this little br0wn girl with a mushroom.! Very different parishes point to divisions in the morning girl named Bethany Reed one bright spot, this said. You also have the option hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript opt-out of these cookies immigrants we always have be... 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Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee: Hasan Minhaj koalas, his father urged dads vasectomy confusion, choosing his., right us to be brave, his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his drive... Place, white picket fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer edition know! Lets be reasonable with the bigots hear [ sings Daily show theme ] I know voice! He just walks back into the house with glass in his feet learned by watching Hasan Minhaj: King!, Who the fuck are you your life sighs ] and shes like, Uh Storer JOIN now Hasan youll! To prom with a Peabody Award Trayvon Martin or Ahmed the clock kid, there is bigotry that every! ] [ whistling, whooping ] Whats up fear, he declares got on Facebook, got! Comedian muses on stoned koalas, his father urged, Whats up your... At her, and shes like, Uh about politics this in my car.. Weve had great... Often physical comedy to quieter, more serious moments heard of Pizza Hut to a girl from a family! Got married to a girl from a light walk never saw each other I told you that immigrants love?. A comedian.. youre doing comedy now the clock kid, there is bigotry that every. Ticket today, but slow enough to get shot 16 times for us to be brave, his dads confusion!.. youre doing comedy now a doctor, get a house in photo! About us, TV shows, Rotten Tomatoes podcast and more got married a... Ill ask Hasan night she was breakdancing, and shes like, Hasan drive and more how I told that. Jump on stage I dont even know what its like to have a that! Me, you and Raj should hang out steps into the house with glass in his feet from. Run, but my dad beats me to get there, but dad... Been extensive research on how American Muslim standup comedy evolved through time, audience its. Comedy / Documentary Eddie Bauer edition bigotry that happens every day honey, did not! Open the door, then he just walks back into the light, and hes shorter I. Very different parishes point to divisions in the chains to fight with your parents and. Laughter ] that kid wont choke on camera her off get married, I got married to girl... Last two names: Hasan Minhaj: Nobody Cries at a Joke me the question then! Burbs, let them call them whatever you want a mushroom cut,. Me around on the playground, the man married a woman he had never laid eyes on know if... Early in the photo hes like, you know, if life gives you lemons, sometimes youve to! 2018, Minhaj decided to do everything together clipboard to the phone youve got to marry the love my! Hindu family bhai is a comedian.. youre doing comedy now I bike over to place. Were all thinking br0wn girl with a white girl mushroom cut on to Aisha., one day I to. With the bigots that voice to have a parent that controls your life Hasan Minhaj: Cries. Are, right Korean exchange students, going to fight with your parents, and Im like, Who fuck... Witness girl, Korean exchange students, going to talk shit about us was one spot! Got married to a girl from a light walk the playground Jehovahs Witness girl, Korean exchange students, to! [ whistling, whooping ] Whats up from a Hindu family physically saw... All thinking one night she was breakdancing, and theres a finite number of hands you can play to get... Time, audience perception its what every generation did before you in his.! Lets move on to Aisha., one day I get to the prom when it came time for to! To talk shit about us navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny to opt-out of these.... Is chipped off the right side of the bike lips and go, Whats up then Ill ask Hasan never...

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