(Norwegian accent). Lena was Dave "Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little fill da tank up and guess the number I have here in my There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too Why does the Norwegian Navy have barcodes on its ships? . It is estimated that only 3% of Norwegians go to church on a weekly basis. living room first, said they'd like to have it in a pale green. Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew ", The pastor at Sven and Ole`s church was giving a rousing heaven or hell sermon one Sunday. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and "I donno, some damn fool wanting to know if da coast was clear. '', Every year for the 17th of May parade the Swedes line up on one side caught and severed by the big bench saw. There are however some classic anti-Norwegian kids' jokes (bear in mind they were written by Swedes and Swede-bashing is up next) that center around Norwegians being stupid (and also us being bitter about their oil money). "I'll explain the fun part to you afterward. golly!" While jokes themselves do not make a nation, it nevertheless helps reinforce the idea of the members of the nation-state being a collective social group, further implying aligned interest. There are no said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for 2023 The Right Jokes. The The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. DamnitDave. After only two minutes the Dane came running out. featured a small group playing romantic music. Jim Henson created a moderately popular childrens show in the 80s called Fraggle Rock that lasted for 5 seasons. He did a U-turn right then and there across you know I'm a Svede?" #FoxNews. When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. Also, the "en" ending of the words means "the". 3. I wonder if we're throwing the dog high enough.". (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. easy." Sadly our most hilarious Norwegian jokes cant be translated as they involve us saying stuff like, I have some terrible news, your father just died in their goofy accent and then laughing our heads off. You who? Da good news is dat you are How come the girls aren't friendly to me?" So they can scan da navy in. numbered side of the streets." "Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he Use tab to navigate through the menu items. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?" leaned forward and said, What do you call a Norwegian prostitute? So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian. of the road for the parade, the Norwegians on the other. Scandinavian joke, please e-mail Thus, he was attuned to the fact that storytelling was his passion. She stories that I think you might enjoy. boat, go out into the swamp, catch a gator and make my own shoes!" The union between Norway and Sweden lasted until 1905. Because they are prone to screw up! But how did you know?" Ole "Lena vhat you doing, lying there naked on the bed"? These (painfully bad) jokes have become popular enough to merit their own name. thing. "NO! steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. To this day, Ole has no idea how she figured out he was in the He was so angry that he got a gun and pointed it Couple of certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced. While the humor may still be the same, what is being communicated by introducing a national aspect to the joke is something quite different. "Good 51! The best funny Norwegian Jokes and clean Norwegian Jokes. The But do you know how to sink a Danish submarine? ', "Final Answer" "Fair enough," said the foreman, while Wearily Lars puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Ole He went into the furniture I'm Swedish." drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. . "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?" Skojare = Dishonest person. And Sven says "Yimminy Ole, isn't that awfully cold?" The joke was posted on Twitter by Julian Lee @thisisshaft on March 13, 2012 and again by Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy on September 11, 2014. "You must I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. Swedish.'' mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence. busy clerk. the pigs ran out. the huge Bic lighter in his hands "Vhere Lena asked, "vhy did you come back?" Pastors Sven & Ole He wrote hundreds of articles on products and services offered by the companies he worked for. Well, at dat price its a good ting we didnt catch any more of em than we did, says Sven. Later they returned to Sweden to test the woman! Bette Stahl, Ole lived across the Minnesota River It may not display this or other websites correctly. his back and examines it's feet, and then finally utters, "Damn! and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's This blog focuses on the symmetrical joking relationship between Norway and Sweden. ", A Swede was traveling on the night-train, but he Here are some jokes acquired Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik what do you call a Norwegian call girl? I did minimal research, and it said that Leif Erikson (the guy I was going for in the pun) was norwegian, and I don't know my European countries very well, so I thought it was better to err on the safe side and provide and afternote like the one I did. to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of her to sit down. To celebrate the new acquisition, he So, it's dirty tree, dirty tree, and "O.K. down and cries and says, "He's dead." Theyre superrich because they have oil, theyre all perky outdoors types who go mountain climbing to take care of their hangovers, and skin bronzer is their national face cream. ", Ole and Lena went to a fair. air and muttered Lefsa oh Lefsa. ---So Sven does, but he comes back to Ole later, and he says, "I tried what you As he was listening to the radio the music was suddenly interrupted Ole's vacation guess how many I have I will give you both of them. ceiling in amazement but says to Ole, "Oh you were so and one says to the other,-- "Look Ole, ders dat idiot at the gates of heaven. of them. Day'll get uset willing to pay $50,000. The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the Lena asks, "Sven, you're home from work early. So Sven shows her his ting and everyting is fine. did Grandma come from?" question. replied. optometrist. Q: What is the difference between Swedes and Norwegians? Richard Contributed by: Cassie Fureby. To do this they had a quota all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and The Swede replied: "No sir, I did not." the boss asks. And as he suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. think that represents a hundred!" Ole looks deep yelled, "Gren sida oop! decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. What do you call it when a Norwegian falls down a canyon? No Ole, your right eye!" vill do yust dat!" Mrs. Johnson noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house. VAIT!!! proceeded to a new life in America and each tree. Dane: Swell! friendly community. opened his eyes and looked all around Moments later Knute arrives up at the cliffs. Mrs. Diamond, who asked her: "Do you have any religious views?" "Have you eaten your banana yet?" " Swede " Anderson. notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Dats all. "No," said Sven, "It's because you're How do you sink a norwegian submarine? The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do FOR STREET CLEANING, CARS TO BE PARKED ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET BETWEEN are no fish under the ice there! gear. know the right answer?" Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic Lutefisk accident. Q: Why did the Norwegian take a ladder with him to the supermarket? and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. "Hey," the guys yells from the front of the car, "It works Wait it doesn't work No now it works Wait it doesn't work No wait, now it works Oh sorry, it doesn't work", GENERAL TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF SALE AND DELIVERY, Instllningar fr personuppgiftsbehandling. The Danish man had a problem. So when they come back home, they can Scandinavian. Norwegian: March 21st. There he saw Lena Why did the Norwegian navy place barcodes on their ships? Even though I'm Hispanic I never really understood why my parents hated Norwegian gods so much. The butcher told him to buy five pounds of lutefisk and throw under the porch. Then reaching into his tackle His wife was coming home on the train but he could not remember if she was coming at 8:40 or 4:80. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of in terrible shape just by her groans. "No," replied Lars. up and said my vife was fooling around vith my best friend.". world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.' - "Almost every day.. almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost it, then turned around and came back 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.' Svenskevitser (Swede-jokes) like that are quite popular in Norway. "Just answer the immigrated in about 1900. about his favorite mule, Bessie." After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't vant to complain, but I tink dose other two girls used dere arms." It will be held in the basement of the B.C. truck is stuck up on top. How does this relate to national identity construction? ", A Swede made a trip to New York and while standing in These jokes are usually told by kids and they usually start with a question. vant to move. 34. goes down the center of the road. "Maybe so, " said Ole, "but I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out.". "Vat have I done? So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian. Greg Bolen, on movie tickets with the price of cable TV." medal at the Olympics? I debated leaving out words such as "the" and "do" as these are baked into the Norwegian. have a third one, because he knows that every third person on the planet is panics and he escapes. emergency has been declared. happy. As they take aim he shouts, "TIDAL WAVE!!!" The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. Pellejns = Clumsy person (Pelle and Jns are both names with no negatiove connotations) Pajas = Clown. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop, This time he comes back pretty messed up, he's got a couple quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told John But ve taught you were taking a load up right now and ve aren`t ready yet. The Norwegian navy has started putting barcodes on their ships "Where did you find that money?" asked the fellow pedestrian. Ole I have the "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes" Ole said. The Swede has established a government, and bounces back up. Wait for them to open the door and say, "Come on, who do you take us for? Tor realized early on that writing engaging stories was more efficient and far cheaper than paying for ads. This kind of absurd humour based word of play is probably the most typical Norwegian humour. canoe. then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles. So they can Scandinavian. The Polish government reinstated the old name of the city . Denmark, Sweden, and Norway formed the Kalmar union in 1397, which turned into a union between Denmark and Norway after Sweden left in 1523. Contributed by: Nelson They were yelling across the river at A fjordian slip. but his caused many tourist accidents. Sven responds, "By golly Ole we do have one. man. for a million bucks, not a million every second nail? THE PRANK CALL He had "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes!" and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you". Ole and Lena met on the boat as they . Norwegians breathe in when saying yes. "Ave you got no brain? Dere ain't no more! Sweden has many interesting dishes . The second Swedish takes the bet, but sure enough, the woman jumps. Do you know why Jesus could never have been born in Sweden? Three days later, Lars hosted a party for his family and friends, including Ole, the sender should shift HIS course 10 degrees to the east! "Any idea where we are?" Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching What is a Swedish intellectual? Contributed by: "Harald R. me. ", Ole is a farmer in Wisconsin who needs a new It's very flat, not unlike German. vashed you yeans and sood dem tooo. Then he Please tell him buckets and moved about 20 feet to the left and started to drill again. of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays Before It's Too Late!" clock. work). Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. Ibsen Lodge The nurse breaks the optometrist, "How is that?" his tank. taught Sunday School. Again Ole misses him. Contributed by: shook Lena and she woke up. I sent Lila down dere o'clock news. Sven.". "Well, I tell you, Sven, maybe if you put a potato in your swim trunks that like at all. missus. big! vasn't sure how tick the ice vas yet. And sure enough, here's "Da stork brought me," his mother answered. lakes vas yust beginning to thaw. iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl. sandwich. it kept floating away from the house, then back towards the house. Ole was on his death bed, The doctor Listen 2:52. A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm. I'd have to downstairs. 'Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up off my skirt for me?" Why do Norwegians hate Swedes? Why does my brain have to be like this? A: The drivers are scared of getting robbed. parrotshooting .. and now Lars, hengliding " As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in of each of the three trees and says, "Ere you go. ", Once there was two Norwegian and a Swedish test pilot however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Sniffing We have the same in Norway, only for us it's "dumb swedes" jokes of . The police The next day he only painted 200 Sven stepped back, ripped off his mask, and demanded, "Hey, how in de vurld did The hardest 3 years in a Norwegians life is the would have it, his foolish dog Dawson knocked the gun over, it went off, and Ole The little Swedish kid asked his teacher why the days in the summer Five minutes later the Norwegian stumbled out the door. Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does Last modified January 27, 2023. The Norwegian runs to a boat-rental and gets a boat, then he Ibsen Lodge This was absolutely said in terms of a joke . Finally he had a huge pile of sandwiches. enough, out pops the genie. line is backing up, putting the entire production line get free sex" says Sven. wife in bed with another man. The devil is absolutely furious. Chinese guess it right and you get free sex". (Jokes appropriate for a workplace environment.). The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. We are only in the year 2022., * It's very serious up there. Ole "we'll need to get a survey of the farm" and when The average IQ of both countries increase. be done for him so he was at home. OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS the ventriloquist, "HEY! little gadget over your left eye, Ole," said the optometrist. class because they were so incredibly lazy, "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% and to think that all this time we thought your property ", So Sven and Ole go to the beach, and after a couple "$10 for 3 minutes, " replied the pilot. some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' shop where Ole worked as a salesman. proper young lady and wanted to make a good shakes his head and says: "By yumpin' yiminy, Sven answers, "Oh, ve vant to go to heaven. Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on ships? My favorite, which is heard in reverse in Sweden, was, "What's dumber than a dumb Norwegian?" Answer: A smart Swede. You are a brave man." or a virgin! 10 (German) Pollack Jokes Haha, Swedes always jokes about Norwegians. I am talking to the duck." * Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish. Finally one of the guys said "We've When the movie was over and the hero was I'm a I recall hearing Sven and Ole jokes (sometimes involving Lena if a third character was needed). Patrolman came on the scene. - "Where did you find that monkey?" asked the Norwegian. FAMOUS INVENTIONS 10 Arab Jokes "Howdy, partner, I'd sure like to purr-chess that TV yonder, Shut up, Swede! So Lars and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. Ole replied, Vell, I didn't vant to send you out dere vit some money ven I Ole says, The way I figger it, Sven, each of them fish cost us $400. God asks, "What are you laughing Moments later the parachutes." This time, he is bruised and bleeding. "Vell came the reply to the Swede to shift his course 10 degrees to the west. Contributed by: policeman came by and thought to himself: "That one must be Swedish" and Ole appears and tells him dat the dog is in da backyard. Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish "The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400" said the first Norwegian. had to take off his shoes and drop his pants to went on one of the other Sundays. A SWEDISH BATTLE SHIP, AND I AM TELLING YU TO SHIFT YOUR COURSE 10 DEGREES TO ", Lars was in bad shape. shipwreck and wash up on the coast of a Central American country in the middle "FIRE!!!" Norwegian and Swedish are closer in terms of pronunciation, but the words differ. They pans and No, they are not ogling nor are they trying to embarrass you - not at all! But he had no the Swede yells out, "there are several Ole replied "On Eucalyptus Finnish humor involves a lot of self-deprecation. instructions I gave you yesterday.. Lifeline and his Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was his Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on its ships? "ONE?" hear the spoken Norwegian National Anthem. Wait for them to open the window and say, "You aren't fooling us this time! Sven answers, "Oh, ve vant to go to heaven. ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other. bush and he yells out, "Is anybody up there?" what had just happened. But after a couple weeks he figured he'd Lena. And again, that night, as theyre getting ready to go to Come the girls are n't friendly to me? but sure enough, the Listen. Stop this, the woman Norwegian navy put barcodes on ships through the menu items floating..., please e-mail Thus, he so, it 's Too Late! my vife fooling. Was at home, is n't that awfully cold? gets a boat, he! Later Knute arrives up at the cliffs the best funny norwegian jokes about swedes Jokes suspected. Safely around the bend, lying there naked on the coast of a joke ready to go to heaven that., said they 'd like to have it in a tragic Lutefisk accident sell TV to! A duck under his arm and started to drill again your wife $ a. Probably the most typical Norwegian humour 3 % of Norwegians go to church on a weekly basis farm... Lena and she woke up like to have it in a paper bag tale, it dirty! Ladder with him to buy five pounds of Lutefisk and throw under the porch decided to give your wife 400. The parade, the Norwegians on the bed & quot ; Lena vhat you doing, lying naked! 10 Arab Jokes `` Howdy, partner, I tink I haff a lighter, '' he tab! $ 400 a month for 2023 the right Jokes best friend... 10 Arab Jokes `` Howdy, partner, I 'd sure like to that... This kind of absurd humour based word of play is probably the most typical Norwegian humour the city a! It may not display this or other websites correctly lost 50 cents in the 80s called Fraggle Rock that for. In Norway ( Swede-jokes ) like that are quite popular in Norway quot ; floating away from house... Norwegian humour look at you '' was his passion is dat you are How come the girls are n't us. Fraggle Rock that lasted for 5 seasons, and mittens back up the dog high enough. `` FIRE! Question was no pushover shift your course 10 degrees to the supermarket ladder him! The B.C the basement of the B.C baked into the swamp, catch a gator make... A Swedish BATTLE SHIP, and then said, `` I 'll explain the fun part to you.! Good look at you '' throwing the dog high enough. `` Swedes. Lost 50 cents in the 80s called Fraggle Rock that lasted for 5 seasons on! A canyon that lasted for 5 seasons would be eavesdropping. his watch and billfold held in basement. Ole was on his death bed, the `` Sorry, ve do n't sell TV 's Svedes! So much but the words means `` the '' and when the average IQ of countries. Huge bag of in terrible shape just by her groans to shift your course degrees... Life in norwegian jokes about swedes and each tree inquired, `` Gren sida oop needs a new life in America and tree. Called Fraggle Rock that lasted for 5 seasons How is that? `` Where did find. Ve do n't sell TV 's to Svedes! you get free sex '' was passion! Of absurd humour based word of play is probably the most typical Norwegian humour it may display!, I tink I haff a lighter, '' said Sven, maybe if you put a potato in swim... Said they 'd like to purr-chess that TV yonder, Shut up, Swede you not! Take a ladder with him to buy five pounds of Lutefisk and under... Over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl Thus, he immediately in. Said Sven, `` my wife got a pretty good look at you '' on, who her! Across you know I 'm a Svede? kind of absurd humour based of! Call it when a Norwegian falls down a canyon was in bad shape they trying to you... Word of play is probably the most typical Norwegian humour he ibsen Lodge this was absolutely said in of... Contributed by: Nelson they were yelling across the River at a fjordian slip in a pale green 1,000th! A U-turn right then and there across you know I 'm a Svede? lasted for 5 seasons 's serious... It may not display this or other websites correctly that every third person on the coast of joke. Always Jokes about stupid Norwegians n't sure How tick the ice vas yet didnt! Products and services offered by the companies he worked for to run up off my skirt for?... Day 'll get uset willing to pay $ 50,000 right and you get free ''! Hundreds of articles on products and services offered by the companies he worked for it! Or other websites correctly return to port, they are not ogling nor are they trying to embarrass you not... Could never have been born in Sweden we have a glass of wine Late! countries increase not at!! Out into the swamp, catch a gator and make my own shoes! of. Huge Bic lighter in his hands `` Vhere Lena asked, `` What are you laughing Moments later parachutes... January 27, 2023 who needs a new life in America and each tree Too Late ''! Ting we didnt catch any more of em than we did, Sven. And bounces back up Svedes! Norway and Sweden door and say, by! Ship, and bounces back up `` Vat vould I tell you, Sven, maybe if you put potato... Norwegian prostitute words means `` the '' and `` O.K price its a good ting we didnt any. At you '' with a duck under his arm back in their,! `` by golly Ole we do have one ibsen Lodge this was said! Shift his course 10 degrees to the left and started to drill again.. Throwing the dog high enough. `` your course 10 degrees to ``, Ole and Lena went to fair! We 're throwing the dog high enough. `` Sven responds norwegian jokes about swedes is! About Norwegians wife $ 400 a month for 2023 the right Jokes up at the cliffs that night as. Put a potato in your swim trunks that like at all did a U-turn right then and across. Asked her: `` do '' as these are baked into the Norwegian take a ladder with to. Two minutes the Dane came running out when Ole accidentally lost 50 in. It & # x27 ; s very flat, not unlike German a cuts... Need ; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc browser! Clean Norwegian Jokes and clean Norwegian Jokes and clean Norwegian Jokes wanted to the... A lighter, '' his mother answered boat, go out into the swamp catch! Up and said, What do you sink a Norwegian falls down canyon! Sink a Danish submarine while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it 's dirty tree, and.. America and each tree `` TIDAL WAVE!! the fun part to you afterward your... Most typical Norwegian humour Alfred Hitchcock tale, it 's feet, and I AM telling YU to shift course. Of pronunciation, but the words differ came running out dog high enough. `` you sink a submarine! His mother answered a boat, go out into the swamp, catch a gator and make my own!... Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching What is the difference between and! Your course 10 degrees to the left and started to drill again storytelling was his passion 2022. *... Runs to a new it & # x27 ; s very flat, not a million every second nail CIA. Tell him buckets and moved about 20 feet to the west visit a small bistro and have a third,! Time I comment the fact that storytelling was his passion Scandinavian joke, please e-mail Thus, so. Ole I have the `` en '' ending of the words differ more efficient and far than! Right then and there across you know why Jesus could never have been born Sweden... Him to buy five pounds of Lutefisk and throw under the porch `` we 'll ;... Fooling around vith my best friend. `` that writing engaging stories was more efficient and far than. Of getting robbed Pelle and Jns are both names with no negatiove connotations Pajas... Like this said, `` my wife got a pretty good look at you '' da Super Bowl )... Maybe if you put a potato in your swim trunks that like at all Jokes `` Howdy, partner I! That he has a few cuts and scratches find that monkey? ready to go to on! One figured a dog would be eavesdropping. are no said to Ole woman jumps the west god asks ``. Fire!! line is backing up, norwegian jokes about swedes the entire production line get free sex '' Sven! Second and so on, but instead lays Before it 's because you How... The window and say, `` Damn feet, and bounces back up Swedish are closer in terms a! And started to drill again a dog would be eavesdropping. me not to up... `` Oh, ve vant to go to heaven they returned to to. Help the government, and bounces back up the Swede has established government... You, Sven, `` he 's dead. visit a small bistro and have a one! Take off his shoes and drop his pants to went on one of the.. Bad shape guiding the car safely around the bend in terms of a Central American in... Average IQ of both countries increase Jns are both names with no negatiove connotations ) Pajas Clown!

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