Tears make you braver. #6. "Here's to a long life and a happy one. The following are funny toasts thatll make everyone laugh. Stay true to yourself forever! 6.) 2.) When we get drunk, we fall asleep. 37. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. May you live to be as old as your jokes. MDM Life is a banquet and most poor sons of bitches are starving to death. Hey, it COULD happen! Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. Lucky for me, you make it easy since you are so lovable. The first beautiful, the second full, the last ever faithful. to . Cop: Have you been out drinking?Me: Uh yeah, Im 28, Ive been out drinking literally hundreds of times.. Love is blind marriage is the eye-opener. Are you looking for funny toasts? Lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our life. May all your ups and downs be under the covers! If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? 9. 40.) Three I'm under the table. Bawdy Drinking Toasts Bawdy Toasts Here are bawdy, erotic or scatological toasts that can be said by either gender. Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long. "Good Lord, he's done it again!". Things got a little tense. And love is good, and life is long, and friends are best together. 11.) Heres to the floor. My heart is as full as my glass when I drink to you, old friend! Also, to these two beauties who paid for the free bar! Copyright 2001-2020 by The Jack Horntip To the bride and groom! 8. May the friendships you make, be those which endure; and all of your grey clouds, be small ones for sure. Heres to the nights well never remember with the friends well never forget. I drank to your health alone. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. Heres to the only day I will ever be a morning person, December 25th. If you cant cum in her, cum on her.. Have no idea how I got home from the sofa. 25.) But, if by chance we disagree, Up yours! I wont, I shant, I dont! When we get drunk, we fall asleep. monitoring_string = "f4e9a55d2640cb37b28a2b021fc63f8b", Group of friends celebrating with champagne; Photo credit: Flashpop(Getty Images), Friends Toasting Wineglasses During Party; Photo credit: Mirko Vitali / EyeEm (Getty Images). But never forget to remember the things that made you glad. The toasts are perfect for a casual night out, drinking with friends, or more formal events. Heres to champagne for our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends. 13. 5. 12. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. 21.) Heres to health, peace, and prosperity may the flower of love never be nipped by the frost of disappointment, nor the shadow of grief fall among a member of this circle! 7. "If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar!" 20. She always finds her way back. | What's New | Heres to your liver! I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. 6. To the holidaysall 365 of them. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. So fill your glass with anything. Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer I saw the video we need to talk. This one is a great traditional Toast to show your friends that the moments you share with them are never a waste of life. May the roof above us never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out. A toast is a sign of honor and goodwill. May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, And never catch up. Tea lovers will enjoy these tea quotes and sayings. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, Id like a beer and a mop., 54.) Ive trained my dog to bring me red wine.Its a Bordeaux collie. Heres to beer in the glass and vodka in the cup and to pokin her in the ass so she wont get knocked up. An amnesiac walks into a bar. Collection. May poverty always be a days march away. One for me and one for the road.. http://davidlawmusic.com/blog/2013/9/27/collection-of-drinking-toasts 15+ The Simpsons Trivia Questions & Facts Only Real Fans Know. May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man. He buys two cases of beer. 46.) Beer! On your birthday, remember: dont drink and tattoo. 51.) Heres to staying positive and testing negative. 69.) This is one of the most common college drinking quotes youll ever have. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because its the present. and our She steals all your money and drinks all your booze. They believed clinking glasses would release the gods blessings into their drinks. Made with a lavender simple syrup and homemade lemonade muddled with mint, these Lavender Lemonade Mojitos are the prettiest color and make for the perfect summer cocktail. 74.) Heres to the woman who wears the red shoes. 3. Heres to love for which there is no cure except to marry. 6. All right, son. asked the father, what does that show you? Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms. "I work until beer o'clock.". Me: I love you.You: Is that you or the wine talking?Me: Its me talking to the wine.. 30. 3.) In the third year of marriage, they both speak, and the neighbors listen. 47.) 32. Thus, let us drink beer!Martin Luther, My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. Next to a circus, there aint nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. Wine improves with age. Heres to you and heres to me a group of friends well always be but shall we ever did agree fuck all you and heres to me! If it does, lets hope were too old to leave each other and start new marriages. 15. I drank to your health alone. 2. In ancient times, friends would share drinks from a communal cup, and cheering was a way to show trust in one another and the drinks purity. When we drink, we get drunk. And may your troubles slide off of you slicker than snot. Heres to Dame Fortune; may she smile upon you. Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough. 80.) But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home, sweet home to me. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. 128 Views. The only war where you sleep with the enemy. May your liquor be cold, may your women be hot. After all, advancing birthdays are much better than the alternative. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. 10. If you cant be with the one you love, love the wine youre with. "Have you been drinking, Father?" asks the Garda. 9.) drink to the liberation of women and bigger and better orgasms. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. May your smile be big and wide. A toast to bread, without bread there would be no toast. Classy drinking games usually include such bachelorette games as Never have I ever, Drunk Jenga, Drink if, and other bachelorette bar games. When the liquor is inside, The pain goes elsewhere. "Here's health to those I love and wealth to those who love me." "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi. 77.) You can get excited about the future. 84.) 17. Especially if youre an old fellow with an army of memories. Heartbreak makes you wiser. Everyone in this room here today is better for knowing you, and we are truly thankful for you being a part of our lives. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck. To the rapturous, wild, and ineffable pleasure Of drinking at somebody elses expense. May your love last forever and be longer than the last sunset. Lets have a toast to the incompetence of our enemies. When we drink, we get drunk. A: Boos! However, in some cultures, it is seen as a sign of respect and gratitude towards the person giving the toast. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. When we drink, we get drunk. Here's to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. Turning your glass upside down after a toast typically means that you do not want to drink anymore. May you have the hindsight to know where youve been, the foresight to know where youre going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far. A good girl and an honest one. Cheers! With this collection you can add levity to any special event and will surely add some personal touch to it. 83.) Funny Ideas of Birthday Toasts for Friends. Irish Drinking Toasts. And if you drink, may you drink with me. Heres to whiskey, scotch, or rye, amber, smooth, and clear; its not as sweet as a womans lips, but a damn sight more sincere! Here's to a bright New Year and a fond farewell to the old; Here's to the things that are yet to come and to the memories that we hold. May they soon improve. Heres to you. 35.) The barman says, Have you been served?, 56.) Which My Little Pony character are you like? Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life. May the stay there be as fun as the way there. 9. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. 9. "Here's to women, beer and song, may none of them be flat." 3. 28.) Loyal, willing and able. 5.) May you live to wholeheartedly follow your bliss, and follow your bliss to live wholeheartedly. Lets start with ten of our favorites. Heres to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won.Heres to Americas colors, the colors that never run.May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.Jack Burton (movie king of drinking toasts). Naturally, they have quite a few that are just right for New Year's Eve. If you get a bad one, youll become a philosopher. Maybe not the best phrase for a gathering with a straight piece, but undoubtedly one of the nicer Russian drinking toasts. 2. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof. Two beer or not two beer, thats the question! William Shakesbeer. Beer is made from hops. Here's to wars and revolution. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. I drank to your health in company. 27.) A mans wife has more power over him than the state has. Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction. Groucho Marx knew how to praise the glasses of life. To all that we lost and all that we gained in the past year, and to all that's to come in the days aheadcheers! God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. The 26 Drinking Toasts that everyone will enjoy. With these drinking quotes, you are settled for any occasion! So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. When I love them, I let them. Doesnt everyone?Noel Coward, There comes a time in every womans life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne.Bette Davis, Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleepwhoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! To your very good health. variant of the Sure let me grab my license. 11. Three of my favorite things. Wine enough to sharpen wit, wit enough to give zest to wine, wisdom enough to shut down at the right time. To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems. Another famous toast you can use at your best friends bachelor party. A time traveler walks into a bar. Heres hoping you live forever. 37.) Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. Stay foolish. May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy. Here's to you. 3. A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. David Emis the Founder and Lead Punster of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. PROGRAMAO. 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